I used to be proud of being a woman until I was ‘Empowered

Of all the fatuous concepts, terms and ideas that Rahul Gandhi is given credit to, my favorite has to be the all-pervasive ‘Women Empowerment in India’. In his interview at a show, he recited the word as diligently as one would recite God’s name during exams. He gave the women of India a new tool, an enormously empowered one, that they could use (and are using) to get away with anything. All their brazen wishes are now justified in the shadow of women equality or women empowerment. Women empowerment has taken a new definition for some, which is to be given unconditional freedom.

I come from a relatively liberal family wherein I have enjoyed a limited independence all my life. I say limited independence because though my family sent me to study abroad and live my life independently, I am still instructed on the dresses I should or should not wear (at least when I am in India), what pictures to upload on my Facebook profile, whether to have a night out with my male friends and many such issues. Yes our parents want us to do things that we may or may not like to do. But that may not always be because they think these things inappropriate for girls, it maybe because they think these things are inappropriate. Girls or boys, doesn’t matter. Our elders have always told us what is wrong and what is right for us and they always will. And its not always meant to clip our wings and prohibit us from living our life on our terms. So if I don’t wear shorts while in India because my parents don’t want to, I am not devoid of my basic rights as a woman. I am just being more receptive to our traditions, decorum of a place and above all my parents’ wishes.

So what is this Empowerment we all have been talking about? To me, empowerment is being given an independence to make decisions of your life, to decide what is good or bad for yourself, and to be given an opportunity to shape your individual self so that people do not know you as someone’s wife, someone’s daughter or sister, people know you by your name. Empowerment is to be considered equal to men in terms of our intellect, capabilities and aspirations. Empowerment to me means that in a professional or personal environment, if I suggest some shortcoming in a guy, instead of feeling inferior or insulted, the guy to be courageous enough to accept that with chivalry. Empowerment is negating the gender while considering any recognition or admission and awarding it purely on the basis of merits and accomplishments.

But as I read articles, news, blogs today, I realize that the word empowerment has taken a new definition altogether. I find women trying to preserve their individuality today by retaining their last names even after marriage. The way some of them want to be equal to men is by partying as hard as them staying at clubs late at nights and expecting men to do equal household chores after marriage.

I know there has been a perennial debate and demand of providing equality to women and consider them at par with men.  I don’t know how many will I enrage when I say that I do not consider Men and Women as equal. But at the same time, I do not consider one inferior or superior to other either. For me, men and women are two different kinds of beings that cannot be compared. If someone is asked to tell which fruits is better, an apple or an orange, can there be a correct answer to this?  An apple has its own advantage and so does an orange, and for me, the same analogy goes for men and women. The comparison between men and women is not something like ‘comparing apples to apples’ for me.

Women supposedly feel less empowered arguing they have to make more sacrifices than men. I totally disagree with this. I can unequivocally say that according to me no one makes more sacrifices than the other. If girls sacrifice their surnames after marriage to adopt guy’s surname, guys sacrifice their wishes to fulfill for their spouse’s, their parents’ and their children’s wishes. How many times have our fathers let go of their wish of getting a new smartphone or a new car just because our mothers wanted microwave, or a new bed or some jewelry, or the kids themselves wanted new phones, new bike or new scooty. A million times indeed. Isn’t that a sacrifice that men make or is it so insignificant that we totally ignore to acknowledge it? Moreover, women arguing against the practice of women having to leave their parents’ house after marriage will be the very people who would judge a man if he lives with his wife’s parents after marriage considering him spineless. And his hypocrisy is totally uncalled for.

Many women today seek empowerment by soliciting equal participation from both genders in household chores arguing the fact that women work as much as men at work these days. To this I would say, that as girls are transforming to being more progressive and career oriented, guys too have evolved to be more adjusting and facilitating. And all you ladies fighting for equal contribution of men in the kitchen, would you contribute equally to the responsibilities outside kitchen or to activities requiring physical strength? Next time when you get groceries, try picking up heavy rice sacks or when the driveway is covered with snow, shoveling it off by yourself. If women have to take precedence in inside house responsibilities, men do the same for outside ones. And that is, by construction, the distinction between men and women. So taking more responsibilities of house does not mean being dominated by men. The educated men of today know the struggles at workplace, acknowledge the efforts of women, contribute to their responsibilities and encourage them to aspire and chase their dreams. Of course the keyword is ‘EDUCATED’.

I would agree that ours is still a patriarchal society where there is no dearth of male chauvinists. There are people who still consider women inferior to men, favor a boy child over a girl and do not believe in providing equal opportunity to both genders but the male gentry is not always as brutal or unreasonable as it is portrayed to be these days. Not every guy wants to suppress us, not every guy considers women incapable of tasting success. So stop tarnishing the image and generalizing traits of men. Look around; if you have met many male chauvinists, you must have met enough who are not. You do not need to mend the ways of the jingoists; you just need to mend your way of tackling them. Let the dogs bark and you can show them your back while you proceed a step closer to your goals.

Having said that, empowerment should not be mistaken for unconditional freedom. Empowerment does give you the right to take decisions for yourself but this, in no way, gives you a discount over right and wrong actions. You do not necessarily need to wear short clothes, party late at nights or disobey everything that our elders say just to seek empowerment. Make no mistake of believing that I am against these practices and lifestyle. What I am arguing against is the idea of considering any prohibition on these as an infringement on women’s rights and empowerment, which may or may not always be the case. Shying away from your responsibilities, your traditions, values and customs is not the best way to hunt for empowerment.

The title justifies in a sense that today empowerment is being used as a short cut to achieve success by women, as a medium to do things that they have wanted to do, as a protective shield to safeguard them against any questions that they may have been answerable to. And that is why I feel weaker than ever before. Empowerment has taken away the will of women to struggle hard to achieve something. It is slowly eating their appetite of justified and well-deserved success. It leaves a remorse and dissatisfaction to many women as all their struggles may potentially be negated in the light of their advantage of being a woman. So it’s a sincere urge to all the women to understand what empowerment is. It is not a convenience to be taken advantage of and all the more you do it, the weaker you are becoming as women, sadly enough, me belonging to the same flock.

Towards the conclusion of this article, some might consider me a downtrodden submissive woman who has given in to male chauvinism. But this actually comes from a woman who has a slightly different take on empowerment than certain others. So even when I am prohibited to do certain things, I am empowered. No matter if I may not stay Anuashka Sharma after marriage and become Anuashka XYZ, I will still be Anuashka and people would know me by my name. I would struggle hard to make my way to the top in my professional career while still cooking lunch and dinner at home. That, to me, is real empowerment. I hope my views resonate with many educated women and men out there. And again, the keyword is EDUCATED