I want to raise a toast

Amidst all the notifications and updates of engagements and marriages that fill up the Facebook page of mine and others of my age, this may come as a surprise to the readers. I want to raise a toast, not to someone’s success, engagement, marriage or an achievement. I want to raise a toast to someone that everyone (or almost everyone) of us have but very few cared on even fewer occasions to acknowledge their worth in our lives. I am talking about the most indispensable beings on this earth, the Parents. Yes our Moms and Dads.

But why suddenly this post? Probably because it’s that time of the year when I want to say a thousand things to my parents but fall short of words, always. 28^th January and 20^th April, the birthdays of two most important persons in my life. In these two days of the year, I have always found myself introspecting as to how my life would have been had it not been for my parents and every time, invariably, ended up being more indebted to what they have done for my brother and me.

I remember very vividly, how, like a typical Indian kid, I had grown up with an aspiration to be a doctor, when, in my 10^th grade, my parents took the first wise decision in the making of their daughter’s individuality and advised me to opt for engineering (another typical career choice) instead. Probably they sensed it that I fell a little short of what it takes to be a Doctor in India, specially belonging to a general category given the reservations in medical field. While to some it may sound like underestimating my capabilities, I, for one, am thankful to them from the bottom of my heart for not letting me be in the rarefied bubble of my own opinions about my capabilities. My career choice was again a beneficiary of their wisdom when I was made to choose an NIT and study Electrical Engineering as opposed to going to a regional college to pursue my ‘interest’, Computer Science. ‘NIT is a nationally acclaimed institute’, they said. Little did I know then that this decision would be a huge reason for my professional success ahead.

‘I want to go to USA for higher studies’, I declared, and from them, not a word of refusal or even contradiction. Given our financial conditions back then, this decision of mine was a long stretch to fulfill and yet, not a word of refusal. They were happy, and to make both ends meet, managing their living expenses and my tuition fees, collateralized the only piece of land we had in the name of property, to get an education loan for me. Many of our relatives advised against this decision to send their daughter at such huge expense to study. ‘Be mindful of the expenses you will have in her marriage too’ they said and that ‘You will regret this decision later in your life’. But regardless, I was sent to USA for my masters, which I did, and am now employed in a Fortune 10 company in USA living a quite comfortable life.

Apart from the blatant substance that they carry in the making of a professional me, I, as a person, am just another reflection of them. ‘Rate me from 1 to 10 on scale of Alpha Female characteristics’, I asked my friend and 7-8 was what I got. And I thought, if I were 8 then my mom had to be somewhere between 9-10. In fact, the only lady that I know, having more alpha characteristics than my mother is Cersei Lannister. Yes, the mighty queen from Game Of Thrones. My mother always knew the right answers to people’s comments and managed to be straightforward and upfront at the expense of being judged a proud and arrogant person quite often. This rubbed off on me, as I tend to be more expressive of my honest opinions than the ‘politically correct’ ones. Though, the alpha-ness in us takes a ride when we watch an emotional movie and end up shedding tears in the end ourselves. ‘Be compassionate to others’ feelings’, I was taught. My parents taught me to take bold, herd defying decisions and to stay firm on them. The way my father used to get along with his brothers the next day after a huge fight taught me to love and respect our relations. My ambitions are a progeny of their desire for their daughter to achieve big. I am at that stage when my parents, like most others, are concerned about my marriage and the expenses it entails, and yet I find it unbelievably amazing when they whole-heartedly support my decision to pursue doctoral studies if I wish.

While I lay on my cozy bed in a house with AC, heater and all the amenities to live a comfortable life, I think of a 2bhk government quarter somewhere in India. That quarter resides a 62 year old man who still drives an Activa to work in sultry weather or rain, and a 55 year old lady who works 10:00 AM to 2:30 PM and takes tuitions from 3:30- 6:30 PM. The sacrifices and hardships that these two people have undertaken to build the career of their children are unparalleled. And trust me when I say this, the story of anyone else’s parents will not be too different from mine.

I should make it clear that none of the characters or events in this post are fictitious and that they have complete relevance to my life hitherto. This post is not meant to be a poignant, sympathy or likes seeking post. This post is a retrospection of our lives. It is an acknowledgement to those people whose contribution we often forget, but always should, realize and ascertain. We may not even know in what way our parents may have compromised their desires and given up on their wishes to provide what we wanted. We take huge pride in declaring ourselves independent and self-made human beings but we, in fact, are a shadow of our parents that shaped who we are today. So I want to raise a toast to all the parents and thank them for just being there for us.

Another great thing that we inherited from our parents is the love for music and the beauty of songs is that there is one song at the very least, written for every mood, every occasion and every emotion. So I would end with few lines from a Bollywood song that is dedicated to all the parents:

Mujh mein tu, tu hi tu basa, nainon mein, jaise khwab sa.

Jo tu na ho to pani pani akhiyan, jo tu na ho to main bhi hounga main na,

Tujhi se mujhe sab ata.

Mujhme tu…..

P.S. Happy Birthday Maa!! Hope you both are blessed with longevity and health in life.